She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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