Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
