Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
