I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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