I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize