so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
