my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
