no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
