I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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