I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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