Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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