evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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