mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
