Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
