Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
