i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
