I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
