Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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