so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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