It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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