just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
