I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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