I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
