when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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