i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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