Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
