But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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