is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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