I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
