I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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