Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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