I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My bed smells like the plague
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
