Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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