I want to have your abortion
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
