The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
