hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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