Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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