Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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