They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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