i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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