I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize