The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize