A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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