Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
where am i from again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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