im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
