Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
