those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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