my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
