She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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