It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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