I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
