Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
