im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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