Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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