you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
