Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
