wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
