Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
