I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize