i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
