All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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