Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize