News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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