Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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