Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
