I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize