He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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