Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
