Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh god it's open bar.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
