I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
