we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
