you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
