the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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