One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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