I haven't been this sober since birth.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You made out with two different species that night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
