how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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