so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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