8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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