ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
