Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize