I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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