Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
