On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he fucked my hip out of place.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
