either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
