No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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