Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
