she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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