the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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