You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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