First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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