you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
