he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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