So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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