Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
