What a fucking waste of an outfit
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
