my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
