Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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