its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
