Porn is love you can see.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
